5 People You Will Meet on Twitter

If you’re new to Twitter, you’ll run into several different types of people on the network. Some of them are worth following, some should be avoided, and some you’ll have to make up your mind about. Choose wisely and carefully, and you should have a useful, valuable, and enjoyable Twitter experience.

1. The “I Had a Bagel for Breakfast” Guy:These are the people most Twitter haters point to as their reason for, well, hating Twitter. And can you blame them?@PayAttention2Me: Walking the dog. BRB
   @PayAttention2Me: Have to visit the little Twitterer’s room.
   @PayAttention2Me: Late for a meeting.
   @PayAttention2Me: Gawd, this meeting is so BORRRING!

   And that’s just before frigging lunchtime.

   @PayAttention2Me: I tweet more boring shit before 9 am than most people do all day.

   Recommendation: It’s up to you. Some people like this kind of thing.

2. The Internet Marketer:The bane of the Twitter existence. First they screwed up email with their magic pills, counterfeit watches, and deposed royalty from far-off countries with millions of dollars. Then they cluttered up the Internet with videos of naked people doing stuff naked people like to do. And now they’re on Twitter, offering to teach me how to make money online, find more Twitter followers, and then bug the crap out of those followers so I can make more money while I sleep.”Tell your friends,” they say.

   “No thanks, I’d like to keep them,” I say, and then hit the Block/Spam button. Then I DM @Spam (Twitter’s Spam reporting account) with their user name for good measure. Then I create little effigies and set fire to them.

   To these people, I have one thing to say: We freaking hate you!!!

   Nobody likes you, nobody is paying attention to you, nobody wants to follow you, except for the other 30,000 people in your “Sign up here and get 2,000 followers per day” network. And you people have created such an obnoxious echo chamber that none of you are paying the slightest bit of attention to the fact that you’re only talking to a bunch of other spammers, none of whom are going to sign up for your services. You are beneath my contempt.

   Recommendation: Avoid them, block them, @Spam them.

3. The Thought Leader:These are people who are either trying to make a big name for themselves or have already done so. We often advise people trying to become thought leaders to use Twitter as part of their social media efforts. They try extra hard to add value to those they connect with, so they won’t pester you with a lot of pap. They’ll give you useful information and are someone worth paying attention to.Recommendation: It’s up to you, but if they’re in your industry, follow them.
4. Quote Generators:All these people do is send out motivational quotes like you’ve just grabbed a handful of fortune cookies at a Zig Ziglar seminar. And I have to tell you, I’m not a fan. I don’t mind the occasional motivational quote to help me kickstart my day. Just not seven times a day, every day This isn’t that valuable. If I want to be bombarded by motivational platitudes, I’ll create a Tony Robbins playlist on Pandora.Recommendation: Follow or don’t follow. There is no try.
5. Your Industry Colleagues and Community Members: These may be people you already know, people you only know by reputation, or people in your same field or industry. You want to be in contact with these people, because they can help you find solutions to problems, answer questions, and maybe even help you network your way to your next job. Use sites like Twitterment.com and NearbyTweets.comas a way to find the people you should connect with.Recommendation: Follow. Without hesitation.

By the way, you should always follow your friends. You’re already friends with them on Facebook and LinkedIn. Now is not the time to start questioning whether they add value to your lives.

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